just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
