and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
