will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
