I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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