and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
