Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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