Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
