Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
