so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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