Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
