so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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