okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
