You smell like a Billy Joel song
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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