We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
