I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
