She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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