The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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