Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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