ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
