Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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