Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
