Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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