i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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