that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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