Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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