broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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