Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
