I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
