she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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