just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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