dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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