Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
