I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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