that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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