Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
