I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
