he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize