Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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