The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
