My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
