i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
