final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
