That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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