I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
