She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
