i think my mom watched the whole time
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
