that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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