good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
