i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Fuck appropriateness.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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