she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
