it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
