The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
