i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
