You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
