This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
