im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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